January Hymn

January has been a harsh month. January is always a harsh month but this one…boy.

The tragic and unexpected death of a friend hit me hard. Then came some bad news concerning the health of a family member while reminders of grim past events swirled around making a grey January more overcast and dour. The dark, cold, damp days have been grinding me down. Summoning up enthusiasm for anything has been hard work. My running had been shocking. An achilles tendon injury was deeply worrying, and so bad at one point that i thought that it might mean the end of my participation in races. If it did I reasoned that I would just have to live with it. I didn’t really have any other choice.

I dragged myself back to my studio cause - for shame - I hadn’t been there for a few weeks - and forced myself to work. It’s mad that I had to force myself ‘cause it’s a passion. I’d think about going then it would raining and/or cold and blah blah blah, but I did get there, eventually. To my surprise one painting in particular started to come together in my January visits. The painting had been something I’d been working on for months, bombastic swathes of atonal red paint. Then - looking at it out of the corner of my eye - I realised that it just needed one or two faint touches, and there it was finished. Just one more brush stroke would ruin it, it was so fragile. There was the name of the painting, the first in months that I’ve been happy with, and there it is above! I wasn’t planning on submitting for my annual rejection from the Royal Academy Summer exhibition but I felt that this was good enough to be rejected. At the same time I had an email invitation to submit to an exhibition I’d shown in before, I felt some enthusiasm bubbling up so I punted it in and ‘Fragile’ was accepted.

New dawn rays are pushing back the January ennui. A combination of gels, ice and stretching has helped ease the tendon pain, but with a little new extra grit from some back pain but my pace has started to improve which is cause for optimism for the Cardiff Half marathon in March. Once again I’ve been gritting my teeth and plunging into the sea at Penarth which has been bastard freezing and life affirming at the same time.

It’s started to get lighter in the mornings.