Heartbreak at Platform Two
The pain in Suz’s head blinding. She gazed through sleep glazed eyes at her alarm clock. She still had some time. Suz grabbed two of the scattered paracetamol and swallowed with a can of flat Pepsi Max and sagged back into bed, arm resting on her forehead. Still half an hour before she had to get up. Suz stared at her bedside cabinet littered with painkillers and an unopened bottle of Lambrusco. She stared at it until she dragged herself up.
Her initial headache had lifted the toxic hangover sweat still clung to her. Suz put her hood up and rammed her hands in her pockets.
Suz’ flat wasn’t amazing, it was tiny but it was close to work, but they had - had - been talking about getting somewhere together. Suz angled her shoulders to avoid bumping into people . As she approached the towering front of The Prince of Wales pub with it’s constant vinegar musk, she looked down at her feet. Her eyes began to tear up as she thought about how she’d first met Leanne. When Brenden had asked her if she wanted to go to ‘The Spoons’ for a drink after work she thought he meant the Great Western pub, but instead he insisted on The Prince of Wales, because he deemed that the £3.50 curry was better there, and you got more chips at The Prince of Wales. Suz had first seen Leanne while Brenden complained about the state of his Poppadoms, Leanne was sat at the end of the bar wearing the stained whites and checked trousers of a chef. Her top was unbuttoned to reveal a faded ‘Hulk’ t-shirt and her hat was sat next to a half finished bottle of blue WKD. She looked knackered, and was toying with a packet of Superkings when Suz went over.
“Going out for a fag?”
“Yeah.” “Mind if I join you?” Leanne smiled and Suz’ heart sang.
“My Dad said be a chef and you’ll never be without out you’ll never be hungry.”Leanne had just finished a ten hour shift, the smell of Garlic mayonnaise and chip fat clung to her. They talked, laughed and within half an hour of meeting they were back at Suz’ flat having dirty, giggly sex.
The pale grey edifice of Cardiff Central Station reared up at her as she turned the corner by the Spar, her heart sank at the sight. For the two minutes walk to the security office she was hoping that something, anything would happen to prevent her getting to work, maybe a bus would swerve and plow into her, but with a sickening inevitability she found herself punching the code into the office door. Dennis was filling some paperwork in. “Fancy a brew?” he asked, like he did every morning.
“No ta.” Suz dream walked through her usual route. With every step she resisted the urge to ring Leanne. Just as Suz was finishing her first circle of the station - nothing out of the ordinary - just the normal skag heads at the entrance. She couldn’t be arsed playing the usual game of cat and mouse with them. Suz buckled and checked her phone’s log to see if she’d missed any calls only to find that she’d tried ringing Leanne twelve times the night before. She groaned, put the phone back in her pocket and walked down to the Spar to see Brenden but found Mousey Steve covering for him. “He’s out front having a smoke.”
He wasn’t actually smoking, he was puffing on a wand which was actually puffing on a wand which was actually an electronic cigarette.
“Alrigh Bren.”
Brenden grunted a reply as he stared to the left of the station.
“Look at them.” he said tilting his Wand, she was about to ask him who he meant
“Them from Marks and Sparks. Look at them. Who do they think they are?”
They think they’re worker in Marks and Spencers and they’d be right.
Suz looked over at the people who worked in the Marks and Spencer on the far right of the station near the ominous Platform Zero.
“Yeah, I know.” Brenden said puffing on his wand. The staff at M&S were a favourite obsession of his, sometimes Suz found it funny but not today. “I’ll see you later.”
“Laters.”
Suz saw Bomber - the old spice junkie - on his way to the toilets on platform two. One glare from her made him turn around and walk the other way. In the second corridor Suz found herself doing her second circle of the station waiting for the lift to Platform four. She could smell a sweet, sickly odor and her head slumped down to see the dirt encrusted rodent trap.
The tar black hole hid what was inside.
What’s in the darkness?
Suz backed away from the trap and what lay hidden in its depths.
When the doors of the lift opened she rushed in but the putrid smell seemed to have invaded the enclosed space. It wasn’t until Suz got onto the platform that the smell seemed to fade, but it haunted her.
Her hand drifted to her phone. It was like an itch she couldn’t scratch. She brought it out. Nothing. Suz had to speak to Leanne and found herself selecting the number and felt a cold sweat.
Suz took a step beyond the yellow line, closer to the edge, not that anyone noticed. The train would easily kill her outright going at this speed.
“Hello.” “Hi, hi Leanne, Leanne. I just want to talk.”
“So talk.” Shit, I hadn’t thought what I wanted to say.
“I just wanted to say...” what do I want to say?
“...I just want to say...just...why?”
“You know why.”
“I don’t, I really don’t! Please Lea..please...”
A deep breath from the other side. “It was the constant...stuff...”
“What do you mean?”
“It was just always you and things. You know, let’s do this, let’s get a flat. All the time, just constant stuff.”
“But I thought that’s what you wanted.”
“You never asked me...”
“You could have said.”
“We’ve been going out three months.”
“But I thought...”
“It’s just...don’t call me again.”
Suz stared at the phone and the weight of her despondency made her legs buckle and nearly brought her to her knees. Suddenly she was surrounded by people. She whirled around and for a moment didn’t know what was going on, until she realised that the 11:21 to Paddington was due. People talking on their phones, people checking their phones, everyone in their own little bubbles. Suz tried to get past them but found herself facing the rail tracks.
The London train was going to stop far down the platform as it was coming into Cardiff Central fast.
There was the answer.
She imagined the shocked look on people’s faces as they saw the train smashed into her body. Suz took a step beyond the yellow line, closer to the edge, not that anyone noticed. The train would easily kill her outright going at this speed.
She imagined it would hurt for a splinter moment before being replaced by oblivion.
She could feel the rush of the train.
Suz steadied herself for the leap.
Leanne will feel so guilty.
Suz could see the drivers eyes.
The train sped passed as she took a step back, she ground her teeth and for a second thought she was going to be sick.
“Oh Jesus.”
People began to shuffle around and Suz found herself standing in front of one of the doors. The orange light flashed on and people began to get out. The last person getting off was an old woman who slowly hobbled forward, her eyes searching the crowd. Suz walked forward to help down the step.
“Ahhhh thanks love.” the old woman said as Suz helped guide her out of the crowd into a clear spot on the platform.
“I don’t know what I would have done without you.” She waved at Suz as a middle aged woman rushed up to her and they disappeared into the lift.
It was the end of her shift. She clocked out and went to see if Brenden fancied a pint, but Mousey Steve said that he’d gone home. She walked out of Cardiff Central.
I don’t know what I would have done without you.
A tiny kindness.
Suz smiled, put her hood up, jammed her hands into her pocket, took a deep breath and walked home.